How to say NO with love!
Saying “No” with love was one of the 5 suggestions to help you move through 2021 more easily!
I wanted to expand on this suggestion and give you a little more help as if you are anything like me, you find it incredibly difficult to say no to anything!!
Do you ever feel like you are put on the spot when asked something and end up saying yes through panic rather than because your gut said yes?
Do you go straight into your head trying to think about what to do, but then saying yes anyway?
Do you say yes when you really want to say no, but feel too guilty to do so?
Do you say yes to something and then feel one or all of these emotions; angry, resentful, stressed, worried, tired and/or upset?!
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are not alone!!
I work with clients from all different types of backgrounds, who are from different countries and have different types of jobs, but one thing they all have in common is that most of them have a very hard time saying “NO”!
A lot of the clients I work with are also Empaths and all of my clients want to help and serve others in a kind and loving way.
Being an Empath means you can feel everyone else’s emotions and this is one of the reasons I find it so hard to say no as I can feel if someone is upset, feels unloved, angry etc, etc. I don’t like confrontation and therefore to stop feeling any of these negative emotions I have in the past just said yes! But this hasn’t made me feel good.
When we want to serve, we want to help everyone that comes our way, even if they don’t necessarily want our help (but that is another article!!). Therefore, we go out of our way to make other people, hopefully, feel better. This can mean we say yes when we should be saying no.
It is wonderful to want to help others and each of us should always ask the question, “how can I serve today?” However, there are times when we need to serve ourselves first.
It is incredibly hard to serve with love when you feel tired, run-down, stressed, out of balance, resentful, unhappy, angry… you get the picture!
So, what is the solution?
The solution is listening to our intuition and then trusting it!
Here is a very simple way of how this should work:
Take a moment to FEEL the answer when someone asks you to do something.
If you need more time to understand your feelings, say to the person, “I need some time to think about what you have asked me. I will let you know tomorrow (or give a time/date that suits you).”
How does the question being asked of you make you FEEL? Does it FEEL good? Does your heart leap forward to help and you can’t wait to say yes? Or does your stomach start to churn and a wave of despondency flow over you? Are you already starting to feel guilty about saying no?
Let your intuition be your guide! It is very important to understand how YOU FEEL when being asked for help. If you listen to your mind, you will probably get the wrong answer! You need to listen to your gut. This will lead the way forward!
However, there are times when you may feel terrible at the thought of saying yes to something, but this could be because it has triggered a massive issue within you! This doesn’t mean you have to say yes, but if you are triggered, then you should definitely look at this issue as it may be something you need to heal. This is why taking some time out to really FEEL if you should say yes or no can help you understand if it is your own issue or whether it actually does not feel right to say yes at this time.
Here are some examples:
Question: “Would you like to come to a party on Saturday night?”
Answer from Intuition when it FEELS GOOD (happy, positive, excited feelings): “Yes, that feels like it would be really fun. Thanks for asking me.”
Answer from Intuition when it FEELS BAD (suddenly feeling very tired, feeling low, energy drops): “No thanks. I have been so busy this week and just want to relax at home this weekend. Thank you for asking.”
What happens when this question triggers an issue that needs to be healed:
In the first two answers, our intuition either felt good or not so good about going to the party. It was simple and easy to feel if it was good for us to say yes or no. When something triggers us, the reaction we have is normally much more intense.
We may feel a bit sick, anxious, scared, or even angry. Fear may suddenly overwhelm us when we are really triggered! We may also feel like we are weighed down or suddenly responsible for everything. The emotions can vary, but ultimately they will feel a lot more intense and you will normally feel some form of fear.
In this example of the party, what may come up for someone is being scared of being seen, being anxious about meeting new people, or even worrying about going somewhere new.
There could be lots of reasons why this question could trigger someone, but normally the biggest feeling is fear.
So, if you feel any type of fear coming up in you when someone asks you to do something, check within to see if you want to say no because of love for yourself, such as feeling too tired and wanting to rest, as in the example above, or whether it is because it triggers an issue within you that actually needs to be healed.
If you realize this is something you need to heal, then by all means still say no as it may be too much to cope with and you need to build up to going to something like a party if fear is there, but once you are aware of your issue, then please make time to heal it.
There are no such things as coincidences and someone asking you a question that triggers one of your deepest fears is one way to help you face it! Things always happen for a reason, so, trust that you are being looked after and it is now time to heal.
We all want to help others, especially those we love, and we all want to be kind.
But what we need to remember, is just because we say no sometimes doesn’t make us a bad person!! Every single person on this planet has the right to say no to whatever they do not want to do without feeling guilty!
In this incredibly fast-paced world, self-care is already hard to do properly (this was number 2 on my list of suggestions for 2021!), without piling on a mountain of other work for other people which you don’t even resonate with!! All this saying yes, could mean burn-out for you! So, stop saying yes when you really want to say no!
It is also important to remember that we may be stopping a learning experience for someone we love by always stepping in to help or sort things out when asked.
What would happen if we said no and they had to do it themselves? Would they learn something new? Would they feel more empowered? Would they heal something?
It is worth remembering this when your intuition tells you to say no, as perhaps by you saying no they will have a new learning experience, which will help them grow!
So, how do you actually say no??? Here are a few tips:
Say the word out loud!
This may sound a little crazy, but for those of us who are not used to saying no, this is really important! How does it feel when you say the word “No?” Does it feel strange or difficult? If so, keep saying it until it doesn’t anymore!
Don’t apologize for saying no!
One thing I always tend to do, which I am working on, is always apologizing and saying sorry rather than just saying no. Saying sorry too often can create an energy leak, which reinforces that we are doing something wrong! No wonder we feel guilty when we say no, we are creating it with our words! Here are a couple of ways to help you soften your answer, without saying sorry: “It’s a shame but I can’t…, “I’d love to help but…”, “That sounds challenging, but I can’t…”
Be firm, but say it with love!
“Thank you so much for thinking of me, but (xxx) isn’t really my cup of tea, so no thank you.”
“I really appreciate your offer, but no thank you.”
“Thanks for thinking of me, but I have too much on right now, so I am going to have to pass.”
Don’t keep justifying why you are saying no!
This is something else I do, as I want to stop feeling guilty by making sure the person understands completely why I can’t do it!! Stop elaborating as this can make things worse as you may even end up saying yes! So keep it short and sweet!!
Remind yourself of how you FEEL! What did your intuition tell you to do?
Remember, the answer you received is from your higher self for the highest good. Therefore, it is the right answer and you should trust it!
I want to leave you with, what I feel, is one of the biggest reasons we say yes when we really want to say no.
Many people think it is because we want to be accepted or approved of, which is partly true, but when you look under these top layers you will find what we are really worried about when we say no, is that the person asking will take away their love.
Therefore, it is especially difficult to say no to loved ones as there feels like there is more at risk! What this lesson is really teaching us is that we need to love ourselves a little more than we currently do! When we love ourselves fully, we do not need approval from others and there is no risk of the love being taken away as we already have it within.
Allow yourself to see the truth in why you don’t want to say no.
2021 is a 5 year, which resonates with the Throat Chakra and is the year of freedom and truth, so take back your power and say no when you feel you should. If you need a little help, please check out the services I offer.
I love what I do and I am so grateful to be on this journey with you. If you would like to support me in writing this blog, please click on the purple coffee cup at the side or donate here, thank you so much, I really appreciate your support. x
Blissful Blessings,
Sarah x
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